They love me tight.

You are a prisoner and I aim to free you. Something in you, some hungry being... hungry for experience, freedom, touch. To see the unknown and know it.

No more. One's enough. Any more is too much.

- Polites of society. I forgot. - Polite society will destroy you. - It will?

So you wish to marry me or kill me?

- You say all are cruel. And I disagree, disavow, and say no not. But when with Duncan, the cruel just bubbles up in me. - That shows good judgment. He is a pretty moron. - I do not wish to be cruel. I must improve this aspect of myself. - You don't know the world. And you fear it. - I do not fear it. - Do you want to see what the world is really like?

- You've not been robbed. - I took it. - For what? - I'm so tired. Or maybe just my spirit is. My soul has been buckled, crumpled, flattened, by the sights I have seen. I did not hide it. I gave it to those poor people out there. Money is its own form of sicknes, and all the scarcity of it. And who am I, lying in a feather bed, while dead babies lie in a ditch? I am expecting a hug of solace. I need to offer something to the world. And yet I have nothing. Except some money. It is a bad day for Bella Baxter.

Poor Bella. She is a ruin.

Protect yourself with the truth.

Which you are now going to explain to me is bad. Can I never win with you? We should definitely never marry. I am a flawed, experimenting person and I will need a husband with a more forgiving disposition. I can now see you are not that. Our adventure is clearly over.

It is only the way it is until we discover the new way it is, and then that is the way it is until we discover the new way it is, and so it goes until the world is no longer flat, electricity lights the night, and shoes are no longer tied with ribbons.

So you believe as me? - Of course. But some men enjoy that you do not like it. But good business. But we must give in to the demands of the world sometimes. Grapple with it, try to defeat it.

We must work. We must make money. But more than that, we must experience everything, not just the good. But degradation, horror, sadness... This makes us whole, Bella. Makes us people of substance, not flighty, untouched children. Then we can know the world. And when we know the world, the world is ours. - I want that.

The variety of desires being made manifest is fascinating.

Duncan. I thought you left. Go home, Dunca. Our time has ended. I look at you and feel nothing but the lingering question of how did I ever want you?

- Something terrible has happened,Swiney. I feel almost nothing. My empathy is creeping toward what I would describe as contemptuous rage. - This is fabulous. - It is? - You're in the dark period. Before light and wisdom come to you. You must forge through it, and once on the other side, you will be grateful to this moment, but you must keep going. - I see.

It is hard to be in the position where one wants to hit someone who is already in obvious pain. It is a conundrum for sure.

- Would you rather be a gray slab of flesh with a fishhook in your nose? - I will feel good for a second, but bad for longer, so... I really had a fishhook in my nose? - You did. - So, I am your creation... as is the other one. - Neither of you are that. She wanders the halls with a hammer and a song, and that is not my doing. And I read your cards and letters home and watched you fearlessly create Bella Baxter with wonder. - I am finding being alive fascinating, so I'll forgive you the act, but always hate the lies and trapping that followed. - Understood. Good to see you. - You too. Anger, confusion, and brain dissonance aside, I missed you.

always carve with compassion.

Marriage is a constant challenge. Some, we bend to, some we bend to us.

Why would you want to keep me here if I do not wish to stay?

The root of problem is between your legs. I will have it off and it will not distract and divert you anymore. You see, a man spends his life wrangling his sexual compulsions. It's a curse and yet, in some ways, his life's work. A woman's life's work is children. I intend to rid you of that infernal packet between your legs and plant a seed in you straight after.

In some ways, it would be a relief to be rid of my questing self.