Positive Psychology by TalBen Shahar
1.Chip away limitiations. Nothing is impossible (Roger Bannister). Things do not happen for the best, but we can make the best of what have already happened, and we do have much more control over it than we think. ABC theory. A---activating event, B----belief, C---consequence.
2.Exercise. It’s a wonder drug of anti-depressant of modern world. Feel depressed and unhappy? Go running.
3.Accept it and yourself. Self-concordant goals between short-term benefits(rat racer) and long-term benefits(hedonist). It’s not an ‘either or’ question: Either I’m a successful rat racer or i’m a hedonist who has given up essentially on success, whereas what we can do is reconcile the two, eat the cake and leave it whole, basically.
4.Be grateful. Sometimes we take for granted the people we love the most. There are so many treasures and pleasures around us and within us, all we should do is open our eyes and appreciate them. APPRECIATE: when we appreciate good things, it appreciates; when we don’t appreciate good things, it depreciates. Pay it forward.
5.Self-esteem. Three kinds: dependent self-esteem(other determined); independent self-esteem(self determined); unconditional self-esteem(inter depedent). Incrementally.
6.Reframe the question. Questions create reality, it’s not about being pollyannaish but real:we see the positive side as well as the not-so-good side, we don’t only ask ‘what’s wrong with me’, ‘what should I do about it’ or ‘why you fail and fail’, again that doesn’t mean that’s not important, actually they are, but the problem here is we don’t see the other side of the picture, and we also need to say ‘oh why can you maintain successful despite all unfavorable circumstances’, ‘what’s my strength’. It will never occur to you the good part until you ask.
7.Learn to fail and fail to learn. We can get over bad things a lot quicker than we would anticipate. Just like when we achieve something good,we go back to base level and feel like as we did before, also when we fail, and it’s really liberating to know that we are resilient and will recover. Note:Nothing is truly failure and 50% of whether it’s a small backstep or a huge disaster decides opon your mind, yourself. It’s never a coincidence that the man achieved greatest success in history is also the one failed most(Edison).
8.The permission to be human. The permission to be human is in many cases the foundation of well-being.Unfortunately, today’s culture makes you feel that everyone else can do it or lead a wonderful life except you, well it’s not true and you are not alone. Humanity. ‘What is the most personal is the most general’ ----Carl Roger.
9.Be brave. Courage does not mean you’re fearless,but means you go ahead anyway with your fear.
10.To seek to be known rather than validated,especially for relationships. Because when we look back, it’s not hard for us to find that our problems or dilemmas are different, but they are the same on another level. Try to express and be known rather than impress, you will feel much more at ease and won’t fall self-doubt that whether people like you or just the facade you put on.
