Saw the movie. The end of the tour. First time saw the typical American highway in my memory on screen; the MacDonald, taco bell that I've never have the chance or intention to try, not even once, stand on both sides of the road. The accurate description of the feeling is not lonely, is deserted. The precise word, especially in the cold, snowy cloudy cheerless days; you walk into a bar, most sell bears exclusively, you see bartenders or customers pretends to be cheerful. But what's to cheer up? Bear cannot cheer you up, cannot play the magic trick like a shot of tequila or vodka to let you put down your guard to talk smoothly, let you feel you are sitting in a real bar or wandering down through the Seine like in Midnight in Paris with one charming and pixy lady. It cannot compare with cigarette either. It's just like the words in movie 5 to 7, "they are all dead". It's empty and crispy. And your Self-conscious will be indefinitely magnify, you can hear your heartbeat, recognize every tiny thought inside your head, even transitory ones. You feel yourself is exiled, together with this fucking empty space. You don't know anything, and no forget because you never know anything. Hard-core.
Detach from the reality. Are Sober and Drunk unity of opposites? or sober can only come from the moment after drink, the moment people can arrive the peak of capacity in understanding life and universe as human being? What is the reality? How can you tell if reality is not dream?
Wallace is right. Whatever you write, whatever your reputation is. Fame from writing or this kind of creative work is so abstract and is easy melt into nothingness, even you win success, but it's still in nothingness. So shopping and eating and working is what we do to fight against and forget nothingness. These mundane enjoyment is cure is straw is our medication to excites nerves. It's like you always live in the middle age in the religion world, or you are a philo like Plato or Socrates, whatever, all in a sudden, everywhere is carpe diem, is full of humanism and love. All the dazzling change are in essence the change of form and shape. In the end, we still have to come to the absolute nothingness.
