第四集男女主关于“死亡”这主题的探讨 -

作为一个无神论者，Riley的描述是最接近我所想象自己死亡的画面。尤其他每一个个字组成的画面，一种物理的死亡，但却是我觉得最细腻贴切，也是我希望在死亡前我所能感受到的，最后最灿烂的绽放然后永远的谢幕。

但是做为两个娃的妈，Erin对她还未出生女儿的描述是我希望所能发生在我所爱的人身上的结局。我希望他们到最后可以相聚可以被爱，可以永远在一起没有伤痛。

这让我想到09年那一天在电话里听到姥姥过世的消息，妈妈的哭泣和我独自在国外无能为力的孤独感，我人生第一次希望这个世界真的有的地方叫天堂，我至今都记得那种用全身的力气去期望的感觉。姥姥姥爷是信基督教的，虽然我无法身同感受作为教徒他们的信仰，但是那一次，我希望他们是对的。

Riley -

When I die… My body stops functioning. Shut down. All at once, or gradually, my breathing stops, my heart stops beating. Clinical death. And a bit later, like, five whole minutes later… My brain cells start dying. But in the meantime, in between… Maybe my brain releases a flood of DMT. It’s the psychedelic drug released when we dream, so… I dream. I dream bigger than I have ever dreamed before, because it’s all of it. Just the last dump of DMT all at once. And my neurons are firing and I’m seeing this firework display of memories and imagination. And I am just… tripping. I mean, really tripping balls because my mind’s rifling through the memories. You know, long and short-term, and the dreams mix with the memories, and… It’s a curtain call. The dream to end all dreams. One last great dream as my mind empties the fuckin’ missile silos and then… I stop. My brain activity ceases and there is nothing left of me. No pain. No memory, no awareness that I ever was, no… That I ever hurt someone. That I ever killed someone. Everything is as it was before me. And the electricity disperses from my brain till it’s just dead tissue. Meat. Oblivion. And all of the other little things that make me up, they… The microbes and bacterium and the billion other little things that live on my eyelashes and in my hair and in my mouth and on my skin and in my gut and everywhere else, they just keep on living. And eating. Uh… And I’m serving a purpose. I’m feeding life. And I’m broken apart, and all the littlest pieces of me are just recycled, and I’m billions of other places. And my atoms are in plants and bugs and animals, and I am like the stars that are in the sky. There one moment and then just scattered across the goddamn cosmos.

Erin -

She was never awake. When she came down into this little body, this just-forming little body, it was asleep. So all she ever knew was dreaming. She only ever dreamed. She didn’t even have a name. And then in her sleep, that perfect little spirit just lifted up. Because God didn’t send her to suffer through life on Earth. No. This one? This special little soul… God just sent her down here to sleep. Just a little nap. A quick dream. And then He called her back. He wanted her back. And so she went back. Same as she floated down, she rose up above the Earth. Past all the souls in the atmosphere and all the stars in the sky and then into a light so bright. And then, for the first time… She starts to wake up. She’s wrapped in a feeling of love. Just pure, amazing love. Of course she is. She’s pure. She has never sinned. She never hurt a single living thing, not even an ant. And she’s not alone. She’s home. There are people there, she doesn’t know it, but they’re her family. Her grandfather and her great-grandfather, and they love her. And they name her. And then when God reaches down and kisses her head, and the second He says her name, she grows up. In a blink. And she’s perfect. Her body as it would have been on her best day on Earth. Her perfect age. The peak of herself. And they tell her about her mom down here on Earth, and how I’ll be there soon enough. And she’s happy. And nothing but joy for all eternity. And she’s loved. And she isn’t alone. And that’s what we mean when we say Heaven. No mansions, no rivers of diamonds, or fluffy clouds or angel wings. You are loved. And you aren’t alone. That is God. That is Heaven. That’s why we endure all that we endure on this… Big, blue, sad rock. I’ll be there soon enough. And I’ll see my father. And my grandmother. And I’ll see my little girl, and she will be happy and safe. And I will be so glad to meet her.

感谢豆友po出翻译版的对话，但是英文原版的也是很值得阅读，有另一种不同的感觉，尤其他们用的文字都很简单，但是编织出画面感却很真实。尤其是Erin在描述自己还未出生最纯洁的女儿，没有伤害过任何东西，一个还在做梦还没有思想但却已经拯救她母亲的天使。

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作者：s（来自豆瓣）

来源：https://www.douban.com/note/830435955/