“How kind of you,how terribly terribly kind of you!”“you`re always so wonderfully definite on the subject of what you do and don`t deserve.”
“Just because you`ve got me me safely in this little trap,you think you can bully me into feeling whatever you want me to feel!”
“You pathetic,self-deluded little boy.Look at you!Look at you and tell me,how by any stretch of imagination you can call youself a man?”
“All I want is to feel things,really feel them.”这是当年Frank 打动April的一句话,回想起这句话重新唤起了April对Frank的爱,于是April提出了“疯狂的”建议——举家搬往巴黎。
妻子愿意帮助丈夫实现他的理想,愿意举家搬到丈夫梦想的城市,愿意自己出去工作来养活孩子,为丈夫营造一个自由的实现理想的环境。April是一个绝对的好妻子。妻子不仅仅是煮饭做家务生孩子的工具,不仅仅是能照顾丈夫饮食起居维护丈夫身体健康的高级护士,不仅仅是能说几句不痛不痒表示关心和口头支持的废话的朋友。妻子还要进入丈夫的思维深处心灵深处,成为一个男人灵魂上的伴侣,并用实际行动来协助男人去寻找生命的意义和生活的真谛。what is life? Is just being?生活最重要的是什么呢?活着难道只是为了维持它的存在?
Frank先是答应了,并为此激动而兴奋。面对众人的惊讶与不解,他感到自己与他周围平庸的同事邻居不同,他是高贵的特别的,他说他终于第一次找到了上战场的感觉。都说女人虚荣,男人在这一点上看来是有过之而无不及。当虚荣劲过去以后,借口应运而生:April怀孕了,领导给他升职加薪了,多么充分的理由!不能如此不现实;男人需要养家糊口,这是责任,怎么能够为了自己的理想让老婆出去工作;怎么能够杀死胎儿,那是一条生命!......“you`re always so wonderfully definite on the subject of what you do and don`t deserve.”总是有很多理由阻止我们,真正的原因只是因为害怕,害怕对生活失去掌控,但事实上,我们何曾掌控过生活?
那个疯子John的出现对情节来说有一点点牵强,不过确能推进主题的深入,并且带有讽刺意味。John能准确而直接地说出自己想要哪种酒杯装的哪种酒,这样的人却要被送进精神病院。“What do you do that for?”这个疯子对于销售助理这样的工作提出了这样一个问题,并且自己又给出了回答:you want to play house,and you got to have a job;you want to play a good house,you got to have a job you don`t like. (“play a house”译成中文是“过家家”)这个疯子非常敏锐,句句直中要害,但他却受过37次电击治疗!shit!那些人对天才做了什么!甚至包括他的亲生母亲!人们总是希望别人和自己一样,害怕自己的生活失去控制,也害怕看到别人与众不同的地方,因为他们心虚,他们稳定、安全、理所当然的生活实际是岌岌可危的,他们能感受到,但不敢去面对,也不允许别人揭发。一旦有人站出来大声说真话,他们就恼羞成怒,软弱的如邻居之辈会恐慌得哭泣,粗暴一点的会用电击法“治疗”自己的儿子,恰好有权有势的会用军队和战争来消灭异己。这其间五十步与百步之别,没有本质的差别。
“we are running from the hopeless emptiness of the whole life here”
“plenty of people are on the emptiness,but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness.”
Frank被高薪动摇了,“But I have the backbone not to run away from my responsibilities.”“责任”,对,就是这个词,像大家的免死金牌一样被无数次供出来,一个人首先有对自己的责任,其次才是对父母对他人对社会的责任,并最终努力把这些责任同一起来。如果忍受枯燥的工作搁置自己的理想和内心感受与愿望于不顾美其名曰养家糊口就叫做责任的话,那简直太玷污“责任”这个高贵神圣的词了。生存不是那么容易也不是那么困难,生命的全部意义绝不仅仅是维持生存!创造的财富越来越多,渐渐就忘记了最初的初衷,舍本逐末买椟还珠掩耳盗铃骄傲自满止步不前。
“It takes backbone to lead the life you want,Frank."
“Do you really want another child?Do you? Tell me the truth.Do you remember?We used to live by it.Everyone knows what it is,however long they`ve lived without it.”!!
“April,a normal woman,a nomal sane mother dosen`t buy a piece of rubber tubing to give herself an abortion so she can live out some kind of a goddamn fantasy.”——normal,我讨厌这个词。
“I wanted in.I just wanted us to live again...That we would be wonderful in the world.I didn`t exactly know how,but just the possibility kept me hoping.How pathetic is that? ....I can`t stop thinking it.Can`t leave,can`t stay.”
然后那个疯子又来了,讲的一些话我也猛点头。
“That is the money.But ti`s`hardly ever the real reason.”
“That way he`d never have to find out what he`s really made of.”
“I feel sorry for you.Still,maybe you deserve each other.I mean,the way you look right now,I `m beginning to feel sorry for him too.You must give him a pretty bad time if making babies is the only way he can prove he`s got a pair of balls.”——是的,April本应该早一点明白,在结婚之前看清男人是否真的是她的丈夫。女人总容易陷入自己的想象而忽略真相,而真相总有一天会浮出水面,情何以堪?这么多年过去了,那个曾经充满生命力的可爱年轻男孩已经习惯了稳定的生活,已经失去了梦想的能力,再来重新开始新生活,已经迟了。这是April太天真的地方,也是无奈。年轻人如何能那么早醒悟那么早明白?总是经历种种遗憾重重之后,生命已经流逝大半,心有余而力不足。
“I am glad about one thing.I am glad I`m not gonna be that kid.”——这句话也许是导致了April最后自己堕胎并且死亡的直接原因。她对肚子里的新生命已经绝望了。她对自己余下的生命已经绝望了。
再来看看normal man怎么定义insanity:It`s the inabilitu to relate to another human being.It`s the inability to love.听到这句话,April笑得不能自持,我也是。“I don`t love you。You were just some boy who made me laugh at a party once.”————太痛快了!一语中的!我不爱你,你仅仅只是在舞会上博我一笑的某个男孩。多么可笑又可悲,这就是真相。