“I always wanted to be in the movies. When I was little I thought for sure one day, I could be a big big star, or maybe just beautiful. Beautiful and rich, like the women on TV.
Yeah, I had a lot of dreams, and I guess you can call me a real romantic. Because I truly believe that one day, they’ll come true. So I dream about it for hours.
As the years went by, I learnt to stop sharing this with people. They said I was dreaming. But back then, I believed it whole heartily. So whenever I was down, I would just escape into my mind. To my other life, where I was someone else. It made me happy to think that all these people, just didn’t know yet who I was gonna be. But one day they’ll all see.
I heard that Marilyn Monroe was discovered in a soda shop. And I thought for sure, it could be like that. So I started growing up real young, and I always secretly looking for who is gonna discover me? Was it this guy? Or maybe this one? You never knew.
But even if they couldn’t take me all the way, like Marilyn. They would somehow believe in me just enough. They would see me for what I could be, and think I was beautiful, like a diamond in the rough. They’ll take me away, to my new life, and my new world, where everything would be different.
Yeah, I lived that way for long long time. And my head dreaming like that. It was nice.One day, it just stopped.
By the time I met Shelby all, shame, all I want is a beer……
All I wanted was a beer. But the day I met Shelby I’d spent most of the afternoon sitting in the rain, about to kill myself.
So you can understand, I was flexible, I mean everybody gotta have faith in something. For me? For me all I had left was love.
And I was getting pretty sure that, I wasn’t gonna love a man again. So I was gonna do it. And the only reason I did it was a five dollar bill. I knew I probably given some asshole a blowjob for it. So really tried to piss me off that if I killed myself without spending it. Basically I sucked him off for free.
So I made a deal, I said God, I gotta spend this 5 bucks. But when it’s gone so am I. If you’ve got something for me in this life, you better bring it on.
And there she was.”
